Martinis that i don't have to paint a picture for the barman to make?

i'm turning 18 and i dont get along with beer, wine, champagne, or girly cocktails. i'm looking for a martini that tastes good, does the job, and can be ordered in the middle of butt-****-nowhere. i do the hard liquor and pop thing way too often and it gives me heart burn everytime. suggestions?